What if you were allowed to have what you desire?
One of the most basic and natural human feelings. Yet, one of the most suppressed feelings, too.
We desire to be happy. But that’s selfish, because very often, we see our happiness as someone else’s unhappiness. This is what our society is founded on today. For us to “get” something, there’s a deeply embedded generational belief that we need to “take” from someone else. If you get the promotion, someone else will lose it. If you get a pay rise, someone else will get less. If you win the prize, someone else comes second, and therefore loses. The world has us believe that there can only be one winner, and everyone else is a loser. We are put in the impossible situation of either being the loser, or being the winner, at the expense of everyone else losing. Not a great foundation for expansion and compassion.
We beat ourselves up for our desires, questioning “Why can’t I just be happy with what I have?” Isn’t the whole point of happiness to be happy with what you do have?
Happiness is being grateful for what you do have, while also working towards what you desire.
And yet, Desire keeps tugging at our sleeve.
“Listen to me”, it whispers gently.
And to appease it, we tell it, “I promise I will fulfil you…:
- …when we have more money”
- …when things are less hectic at work”
- …when my sibling/dog/child/mother/friend doesn’t need us anymore”
- …when I feel in a better place emotionally”
All the while, often not realising that these are not reasons why we shouldn’t fulfil our desires, but precisely reasons why we should.
There is never a good time to go for what we truly desire.
We learn that to make anything of ourselves, we need to work hard. We learn that life is hard, money doesn’t grow on trees, dreams take time and hard work, disappointment is real, and you need to suffer for what you desire. We learn that we are not “good enough” or “worthy enough” for what we desire.
And of course, with all these beliefs about ourselves, opportunity could be knocking, ringing, smashing and exploding at the door. We are wired to live our life in alignment with what we believe, and if something contradicts what we believe, we will think that there’s nobody at the door and we shouldn’t bother opening it.
I’ll give you an example.
Do you remember a time when you felt sensitive to criticism?
When your manager gave you 10 reasons why you’re doing an awesome job and you’re a valued team member, and one “opportunity to improve”.
Which one did you focus on?
We focus on what confirms our beliefs, and reject that which contradicts our beliefs.
What I notice about myself and many other Highly Sensitive People (HSP) is that what we desire is to make a meaningful difference in the world. We desire to help as many people as we can, through our unique skills.
Yet, every time we tell ourselves “I will fulfil my desire when…”, we are in fact doing ourselves a disservice by not fulfilling this desire, and we are doing a disservice to all the people that we are truly meant to help in this world. Because those people need our help. The planet needs our help. Talented artists who hide their desperate insecurities and never share their talents, need our help. Gifted people, who don’t know how to share their own gifts, need our help. Disappearing species of animals, bees and destroyed forests need our help.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Denying your desires is essentially doing a disservice to you, to fulfilling the purpose you are called to do, and it’s doing a disservice to those you are meant to help.
And I can hear you say:
“But, I told you, I have all these problems right now! I can’t afford to…!”
Of course, our Ego/Brain/Inner Critic wants us to stay small. To our Ego mind, staying small is staying safe.
The thing is…
Fulfilling our dreams and desires does not happen when our Ego mind feels safe.
Our Ego mind will never feel safe and comfortable with growth.
Because by definition, growing means expanding our comfort zone. Expanding our comfort zone, means stepping outside of it.
And while the Ego mind wants us to think that “once we fix this problem, THEN we will be able to follow our desire”, the reality is that:
The Ego mind will ALWAYS find a new reason why it’s “unfortunately, still not the right time”.
So, if that’s how the Ego mind works, what’s the solution?
Stepping into our greatness, growing, expanding our comfort zone and fulfilling our purpose and desires, is not something that is born out of fear. Stepping into our power, requires us to shift from fear-based thinking, into our inner guidance. Our Inner Guidance is a very quiet, intuitive, deeply feeling space.
Grounded in love,
Sprinkled with curiosity,
Paved with joy,
Adorned with creativity.
When we connect to our Inner Guidance, we see the signs. We start to notice the door of opportunity opening.
Our Ego mind and our fears want to kick in.
This is the point when you have a choice – which voice will you choose to tune into?
Do you know the fable of the old Cherokee?
The Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life, and says:
“There is a fight going on inside me.
It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil, anger, fear, inferiority, resentment, superiority and ego. The other one is joy, peace, love, faith and creativity”
The grandson thinks about this for a moment, then says: “Which wolf will win?”
To which, the old Cherokee replied:
“The one you feed.”
In the same way, we have a choice which wolf to feed. Do we feed our fears, and the reasons why we can’t? Or do we feed our Inner Guidance, intuition and ability to be expansive, free and joyful?
We don’t shift from fear-based thinking to intuition-thinking when we are more financially secure, or when we feel better, when the dog feels better or when others feel better.
Shifting from fear, into our expansive intuition is a decision.
Your fear-based mind wants you to believe that the only way you can fulfil your desires is at a great cost and risk, to yourself and everyone else involved.
Your intuition knows, that there are many ways in which we can fulfil our desires, that will not cause harm, and only bring good.
Whenever you get stuck and can’t see the way out, that’s a sure sign that our fear-based mind is driving the buss.
Shifting to our intuition or our inner guidance, is as simple as inviting it in.
Connect with that feeling of grounded inner knowing, curious spaciousness and nurturing creativity.
And because I believe in the power of learning things not mentally, but experientially, here’s an exercise to connect with our inner guidance:
To connect with your inner guidance, you can just become pen pals. Using pen and paper is the best way known to man, to shift out of our fear-based Ego mind, and tune into our inner guidance.
Write down on your paper:
1. Dear Inner Guidance, I invite you to connect with me. I have a problem, and I am only seeing restrictive, fear-based solutions. I know that my Inner Guidance is expansive, free, and has many many solutions to a single problem.
2. Here is my question: (write down your question)
3. Then, just write down “Answer:” and start writing.
4. From this point, your role is just to put pen to paper and write. Your job is not to think about what you write, how you write, how you express yourself and whether your grammar is correct. Just let the guidance come through the pen. If nothing comes, just write whatever pops in your mind, no matter how crazy or unrealistic it sounds. The more unrealistic it sounds, the more it means that it comes from your inner guidance. Your Ego mind will only write things you already know. Your Inner Guidance will write things you haven’t thought about yet. Keep writing, just observing what comes out of your hand, without being attached to what it tells you. At the end of the day, it’s just words. If at the end of your letter, you think it’s nonsense, you can close the book and move on.
Our inner guidance has a wonderful way of giving us clues and expansive solutions, if only we open to listen.
When we invite our inner guidance, we invite expansive solutions to problems. We invite solutions that we previously haven’t thought of. Solutions that are joyful, creative and happy. They are win-win solutions for you, and everyone else involved.
I’d love to know if you’ve tried this, and what results/answers you’ve had from writing this letter.
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